JOURNEY INTO THE DIVINE WILL

Writings from the Servant of God Luisa Piccarreta

Vol. 1 – September 14, 1899

Marriage of the Cross.

One morning – it was the day of the Exaltation of the Cross – my sweet Jesus transported me to the holy sites; and first, He told me many things about the virtue of the cross. I don’t remember everything – just a few things: “My beloved, do you want to be beautiful? The cross will give you the most beautiful features that can possibly be found, both in Heaven and on earth; so much so, as to enamor God, who contains all beauties within Himself.”

Jesus continued: “Do you want to be filled with immense riches – not for a short time, but for all eternity? Well then, the cross will administer to you all kinds of riches – from the littlest pennies, which are the small crosses, up to the greatest amounts, which are the heavier crosses. Yet, men are so greedy to earn a temporal nickel, which they will soon have to leave, but do not give a thought to earning one eternal penny. And when I, having compassion for them, in seeing their carelessness for all that regards eternity, kindly offer them the opportunity – instead of cherishing it, they get angry and offend Me. What human madness – it seems that they understand it upside down. My beloved, in the cross are all the triumphs, all the victories, and the greatest gains. As for you, you must have no other aim than the cross, and this will be enough for you, in everything. Today I want to make you content; that cross which until now has not been enough to lay you on and crucify you completely, is the cross that you have carried up to now. But since I have to crucify you completely, you need Me to let descend new crosses upon you. So, the cross you have had until now, I will bring to Heaven, to show it to the whole Celestial Court as pledge of your love, and I will make another one, larger, descend from Heaven, to be able to satisfy the ardent desires which I have upon you.”

While Jesus was saying this, that cross which I had seen the other times made itself present before me. I took it and I laid myself upon it. As I was in this way, the Heavens opened and Saint John the Evangelist came down, carrying the cross that Jesus had indicated to me; the Queen Mother and many Angels also came down. When they arrived near me, they lifted me from that cross and placed me on the one which they had brought me, which was much larger. Then, an Angel took the cross I had before and took it to Heaven with him. After this, with His own hand, Jesus began to nail me to that cross; Queen Mama assisted me, while the Angels and Saint John were handing the nails. My sweet Jesus showed such contentment, such joy in crucifying me, that just to be able to give that contentment to Jesus, I would have suffered not only the cross, but yet more pains. Ah! it seemed to me that Heaven was making new feast for me, in seeing the contentment of Jesus. Many souls were freed from Purgatory and took flight toward Heaven, and quite a few sinners were converted, because my Divine Spouse let everyone participate in the good of my sufferings. Who can tell, then, the intense pains I felt in being stretched very well over the cross, and my hands and feet being pierced through with the nails? But especially the feet – the atrocity of the pains was such that they cannot be described. When they finished crucifying me and I felt I was swimming in the sea of pains and sufferings, Queen Mama said to Jesus: “My Son, today is a day of grace – I want You to let her share in all your pains. There is nothing left but for You to pierce her heart through with the lance, and to renew for her the crown of thorns.” So, Jesus Himself took the lance and pierced my heart through; the Angels took a crown of thorns, well thickened, and handed it to the Most Holy Virgin – and She Herself drove it into my head.

What a memorable day that was for me – of sufferings, yes, and of contentments; of unspeakable pains, but also of joy. It is enough to say that the intensity of the pains was so great, that for that entire day Jesus did not move from my side, to sustain my nature that was failing at the liveliness of the pains. Those souls from Purgatory who had flown up to Heaven, descended together with the Angels and surrounded my bed, cheering me with their canticles, and thanking me affectionately because through my sufferings I had freed them from those pains.

It happened, then, that after five or six days of those intense pains, to my great disappointment those pains began to diminish, and so I would solicit my beloved Jesus to renew for me the crucifixion. And He, sometimes quickly, and sometimes with some delay, would be pleased to transport me to the holy sites and to let me share in the pains of His Sorrowful Passion – now the crown of thorns, now the scourging, now the carrying of the cross to Calvary, now the crucifixion; sometimes one mystery per day, and sometimes everything in one day, according to His liking. And this was of highest pain and contentment for my soul. But it would become very bitter for me when the scene would change, and instead of I being the one who suffered, I would be the spectator, watching most loving Jesus suffer the pains of His Sorrowful Passion. Ah! how many times I found myself in the midst of the Jews together with Queen Mama, seeing my beloved Jesus suffer. Ah! yes, it is yet true that it is easier for one to suffer oneself, than to see the beloved suffer.

Other times, I remember that, in renewing these crucifixions, my sweet Jesus said to me: “My beloved, the cross allows one to distinguish the reprobates from the predestined. Just as, on the Day of Judgment, the good will rejoice upon seeing the cross, so even now it can be seen whether one will be saved or lost. If, as the cross presents itself to the soul, she embraces it, carries it with resignation, with patience, and she kisses and thanks that hand which is sending it – here is the sign that she is saved. If, on the contrary, as the cross is presented to her, she gets irritated, despises it, and even reaches the point of offending Me – you can say that’s a sign that the soul is heading on the way to hell. So will the reprobates do on the Day of Judgment: upon seeing the cross, they will grieve and curse. The cross tells everything; the cross is a book that, without deception and in clear notes, tells you and allows you to distinguish the saint from the sinner, the perfect from the imperfect, the fervent from the lukewarm. The cross communicates such light to the soul that, even now, it allows one to distinguish not only the good from the evil, but also those who are to be more or less glorious in Heaven – those who are to occupy a higher or a lower place. All other virtues remain humble and reverent before the virtue of the cross, and grafting themselves to it, they receive greater glory and splendor.”

Who can say what flames of ardent desires this speaking of Jesus would cast into my heart? I felt devoured by hunger for suffering, and in order to satisfy my yearnings – or rather, to better say it, in order to satisfy that which He Himself infused in me – He would renew for me the crucifixion.

I remember that sometimes, after renewing these crucifixions, He would say to me: “Beloved of my Heart, I ardently desire not only to crucify your soul and to communicate the pains of the cross to your body, but also to mark your body with the mark of my wounds; and I want to teach you the prayer in order to obtain this grace. This is the prayer: ‘I present myself before the supreme throne of God, bathed in the Blood of Jesus Christ, praying Him, by the merit of His most luminous virtues and of His Divinity, to concede me the grace to be crucified’.”

However, I have always had an aversion for anything that might appear externally – and I still do – but in the act in which Jesus was saying that, I would feel such yearnings being infused in me to satisfy the desire that He Himself was expressing, that I would yet dare to ask Jesus to crucify me in the soul and in the body. And sometimes I would say to Him: “Holy Spouse, I would rather not have external things; and if sometimes I dare to ask for that, it is because You Yourself tell me to, and also to give a sign to the confessor that it is You who operates in me. But for the rest, I would like nothing other than for those pains, which You make me suffer when You renew the crucifixion, to be permanent; I would rather not have that diminution after some time. This alone is enough for me. As for the outward appearance, the more You can keep me hidden, the more You will make me content.’

I remember confusedly that, when I would be with Our Lord, I would often ask for sorrow for my sins and for the grace to be forgiven of all the evil I had done; and at times I reached the point of saying that only then would I be content, when I would hear Him say, from His own lips: “I remit all your sins.” And blessed Jesus, who can deny nothing when it is for our good, one morning made Himself seen and told me: “This time I Myself want to do the office of Confessor. You will confess all your sins to Me, and in the act in which you do this, I will make you comprehend, one by one, the sorrows you have given to my Heart in offending Me, so that, by comprehending what sin is, as much as it is possible for a creature, you may be resolved to die rather than to offend Me. You, in the meantime, enter into your nothingness, and recite the Confiteor.”

On entering into myself, I could see all my misery and my wicked deeds, and I trembled like a leaf before His presence. I lacked the strength to pronounce the words of the Confiteor, and if the Lord had not infused new strength in me, by telling me: “Do not fear – if I am the Judge, I am also your Father. Courage, let us proceed”, I would have remained there, without uttering one word.

So I said the Confiteor, all full of confusion and humiliation, and since I saw myself all covered with my sins, at one glance, I saw that the greatest one, which had given affront to Our Lord, was pride. So I said: ‘Lord, before your presence, I accuse myself of the sin of pride.’ And He: “Draw near my Heart, and place your ear upon It – you will hear the cruel torment that you have caused my Heart with this sin.” All trembling, I placed my ear upon His adorable Heart – but who can say what I heard and comprehended in that instant? Especially now, after so much time, I will only say something confusedly. I remember that His Heart was beating so strongly, that it seemed that His breast was going to crack. Then it seemed to me that It was torn to shreds, and was almost destroyed because of the pain. Ah! if I could have, I would have reached the point of destroying the Divine Being with pride.

I will give you a simile in order to make myself understood, otherwise I have no words to express myself. Imagine a king, and at the feet of this king, a worm, which, rising and swelling up, begins to think it is something, and reaches such audacity, that rising, little by little, it reaches the head of the king and wants to remove the crown from him to put it on its own head. Then it strips him of his royal vestments; then it throws him off his throne, and finally, it tries to kill him. But what’s more about this worm, is that it itself does not know its own being, so much it deceives itself, and that in order to get rid of it, it would take the king nothing but to put it under his feet and crush it – and so end its days. This, truly, would move one to indignation and to pity, as well as to ridicule the pride of this worm, if it could do such a thing. So did I see myself before God, and this filled me with such confusion and sorrow, that I felt, being renewed in my heart, the torment that blessed Jesus suffered.

After this, He left me, and I felt such pain, comprehending how so ugly this sin of pride is, that it is impossible to describe it. After I ruminated all this thoroughly within myself, my good Jesus came back and told me to continue the confession of my sins. And I, all trembling, continued to make the accusation of my thoughts, words, works, causes and omissions; and when He would see that I was unable to continue the confession because of the pain I felt at having offended Him so much… in fact, I had such a vivid clarity, being in front of that Divine Sun; especially, I could see the smallness, the nonentity of my being, and I was stunned at how I could have such cheek – where had I taken that boldness to offend a God so good, who, in the very act in which I was offending Him, assisted me, preserved me, nourished me; and if He had any rancor with me, it was for the sin I committed, which He greatly hated, while He loved me immensely, He excused me before Divine Justice, and was all occupied with removing that wall of division, which sin had produced between the soul and God. Oh! if all could see who God is, and who the soul is in the act of sinning, all would die of sorrow, and I believe that sin would be exiled from the earth. So, when blessed Jesus would see that I could not take any more because of the pain, He would withdraw and leave me, to allow me to comprehend well the evil I had done. And then He would come back again, and I would continue the accusation of my sins.

But who can say all that I understood, and explain, one by one, the different affronts and the special sorrows which I had caused Our Lord with my sins? I feel it is almost impossible for me to explain myself – also because I don’t remember it too well.

Then, when I finished the accusation, which lasted about seven hours, lovable Jesus took the aspect of most loving Father. And since I was exhausted in my strengths because of the sorrow – more so, since I saw that sorrow was not enough to be sorry as it befitted my sins – to encourage me, He told me: “I Myself want to make up for you, and I apply to your soul the merit of the pain I had in the Garden of Gethsemane. This alone can satisfy the Divine Justice.” After He applied His pain to my soul, then I seemed to be disposed to receive the absolution.

All humbled and confounded as I was, prostrated at the feet of the good Father Jesus, through the rays He was sending into my mind, I tried to excite myself more to sorrow by saying – though I don’t remember everything: ‘Great, immense, has been the evil I have done against You. These powers of mine and these senses of my body were meant to be as many tongues with which to praise You. Ah! instead, they have been like many poisonous vipers which were biting You and were even trying to kill You. But, Holy Father, forgive me – do not want to cast me away because of the great wrong I have done to You by sinning.’

And Jesus: “And you – do you promise to sin no more, and to banish from your heart any shadow of evil that might offend your Creator?”

And I: ‘Ah! yes, with all my heart I promise You. I would die a thousand times rather than sin again. Never again, never again.’

And Jesus: “And I forgive you, and I apply to your soul the merits of my Passion, and I want to wash it in my Blood.”

And as He was saying this, He raised His blessed right hand and pronounced the words of the absolution – exactly like the words that the priest says, when he gives absolution. And in the act of doing this, a river of Blood poured down from His hand, and my soul remained completely inundated by It.

After this, He said to me: “Come, oh daughter, come to make penance for your sins by kissing my wounds.”

All trembling, I stood up and I kissed His most sacred wounds; and then He said to me: “My daughter, be more vigilant and attentive, because today I give you the grace not to fall, ever again, into voluntary venial sin.”

Then He gave me other exhortations, which I don’t remember too well; and He disappeared.

Who can say the effects of this confession made to Our Lord? I felt all soaked with grace, and it made such an impression on me, that I cannot forget it. And every time I remember it, I feel a shiver run through my bones, and also taken by horror in thinking of what my correspondence is to so many graces that the Lord has given me.

The Lord deigned other times to give me the absolution Himself. Sometimes He would take the form of the priest, and I would confess as if to the priest, although I would feel different effects; and then, once it was finished, He would reveal Himself as Jesus; and sometimes He would come unveiled, making Himself recognized as Jesus from the beginning. At times He would also take the form of the confessor, so much so, that I believed I was speaking with him, telling him all my fears, my doubts; but from the way He had of answering me, from the gentleness of the voice, alternating between that of the confessor and that of Jesus, from His lovable trait and from the interior effects, I would discover that it was Him. Ah! if I wanted to say everything about these things, I would be too long, therefore I finish, and I stop here.

²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Prayer Reflection- O Lord we bless You, we praise You, and we adore You on this Feast of the Exaltation of The Cross for the Marriage of The Cross of Servant of God Luisa Piccarreta and the meaning and beauty of The Cross. Thank You for loving us and giving Yourself for us!